I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
