so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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