Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize