WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
