you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
