Non-Jews are for practice
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
