Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
