I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
