had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
