Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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