i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
