i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How's work?
Spinning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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