I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
