i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
