A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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