Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
