I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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