you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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