so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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