Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
