Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
