I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
