Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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