guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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