sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
