New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
