i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i've created a new STD.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
