Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
