i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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