Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Every concussion has its silver lining
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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