1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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