his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
