just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
