dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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