i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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