sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
