is your mom at the bar?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
