I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
