my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
