Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We got so high we made milksteak
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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