I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
