Where are you?
In a non slutty way
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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