we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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