After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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