I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
