you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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