woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
