how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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