At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
