We're facebook friends in real life
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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