i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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